i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
