So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Congratulations! We have a period
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