a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize