doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
