im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
