Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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