wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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