whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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