I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
