i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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