i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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