Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.