so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
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Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
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I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am one with the molecules
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.