My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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