We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.