mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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