I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
