nut hugger
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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