So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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