I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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