i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
