I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
