one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
