part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
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get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
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He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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