How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
