ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dignity is for republicans.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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