i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
