If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You had me at "let me see your balls"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
