i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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