i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
