What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
