If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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