Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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