I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
