So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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