But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
