One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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