Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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