Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Can you bring me the toilet please
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
