...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
