sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
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Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
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Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sorry about my life...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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