I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
