drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
