I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
time to smoke my breakfast
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
A+ Viking dick
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
