im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
