That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wear drunk well.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
