...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
