i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
