Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.

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  (310): Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove. http://tfl.nu/uua4
  Replies (41) Good night (3605) Bad night (760)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?

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  (937): was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"? http://tfl.nu/gea9
  Replies (16) Good night (847) Bad night (3214)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...

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  (202): did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this... http://tfl.nu/5zp7
  Replies (29) Good night (1269) Bad night (5127)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

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  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (26060) Bad night (4578)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.

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  (843): You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield. http://tfl.nu/umxp
  Replies (20) Good night (7325) Bad night (1181)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.

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  (702): I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad. http://tfl.nu/4uh2
  Replies (16) Good night (4856) Bad night (1387)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.

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  (601): We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level. http://tfl.nu/1en2
  Replies (12) Good night (3453) Bad night (810)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.

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  (904): You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition. http://tfl.nu/ww1r
  Replies (9) Good night (1915) Bad night (606)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.

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  (770): Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever. http://tfl.nu/1wjc
  Replies (6) Good night (1795) Bad night (477)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  other than the jail part I had a really good time with you

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  (615): other than the jail part I had a really good time with you http://tfl.nu/dcut
  Replies (3) Good night (1690) Bad night (487)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today

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  (208): Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today http://tfl.nu/l6jz
  Replies (2) Good night (1103) Bad night (410)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.

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  (913): Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life. http://tfl.nu/36jh
  Replies (8) Good night (1845) Bad night (619)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  ur mom makes the best bacon

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE

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  (570): ur mom makes the best bacon (1-570): WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE http://tfl.nu/0ryx
  Replies (14) Good night (3649) Bad night (554)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.

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  (903): Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head. http://tfl.nu/qt0n
  Replies (3) Good night (842) Bad night (232)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates

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  (561): I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates http://tfl.nu/pbgm
  Replies (4) Good night (369) Bad night (190)

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