My balls are so social today.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
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I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace