Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth

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(650): View more from California

in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",

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(770): View more from Georgia

Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?

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25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Read it at the TFLN blog
(530): View more from California

you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"

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(913): View more from Kansas

When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.

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(850): View more from Florida

I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.

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(407): View more from Florida

We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me

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(650): View more from California

Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.

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