I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.