its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.