Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
