OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
