Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
