C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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