remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
