doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
