I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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