She is in my trunk
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
