I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
