dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
