I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
