we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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