Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
