All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
