you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
